Family Life

Yesterday, a Turkish student asked me what I miss most about the US. I answered, "toilets and peanut butter." Of course, the real answer is my family!

Living with a family has proven to be an accelerated course on Turkish culture. Family is the strongest social institution in Turkey, and therefore forms a framework to impose social controls and acceptable patterns of public behavior. Traditionally, extended families live together. The floors above me are all occupied by aunts and uncles belonging to the father's family. Unmarried daughters live with their family, and after marriage they become a member of the husband's family unit.

Tradition places the father as the head of the family. My father is self-employed and works with his brothers in the textile industry. He works Monday-Saturday, leaving early in the morning and returning home late at night. He is quiet and reserved, but very loving. My mother is a homemaker and an excellent cook. She is currently taking care of her ill father in Konya and we all seem lost without her. A Turkish proverb says "a husband should know how to bring food and the wife to make it suffice," the truth in this proverb is that most men do not know how to cook if their life depended on it! Masculine and feminine roles are clearly defined in traditional Turkish society; however I have witnessed conflict between traditional and modern values among youth which may suggest that gender roles are slowly changing to encompass more public space for both sexes.

It is very difficult to be a Turkish youth. Young women in particular suffer from constrained socioeconomic mobility. Most unmarried daughters do not tell their fathers about boyfriends, and when we go on a weekend trip, many of the girls have to lie to their family in order to get permission. I find boyfriends in Turkey to be irritatingly jealous and controlling, even the smallest interactions with other men can cause conflict in a relationship. I can also say that Turkish relationships are very warm, and I love the way boyfriends and girlfriends will pinch each other's cheeks to show affection.

Confucius said, "by nature (people) are pretty much alike. It is their learning and practices that distinguish them." I think topics relating to culture must be approached with brevity and sensitivity. My next two topics will be women in Islam and the Kurdish problem, the two most frequent topics I have contemplated since arriving in Turkey, both are equally absorbing!